Forum Decorum
8/26/98, from Mary Morken:
MT Daily continues to be a place where networking with restraint along guidelines is encouraged and enforced. Graffiti is removed, personal attacks curtailed, and scams are deleted. Between anarchy (where words can become distorted in power struggles) and oppressive control (where expression can be stifled), there can be healthy fair exchange based on mutual respect and agreements, with self-expression tempered by what is good for others. I believe this is the most fruitful and sustainable community style, though it can be misused. No system is so perfect that it does not require people to be good. A respectful tone enables a group to be self-correcting and creative. Kindness can be strong.
I believe human community is fragile and takes nurturing. Conflict resolution is difficult and escalation is easy. Freedom of speech is not enough to protect groups from self-destruction. Without law to protect freedom, the strong bully the weak. When we only have power conflicts, much energy is wasted. When only persuasion and manipulation are used, we are primitive indeed. It's hard to be creative when you are having to wear armor. There are good leaders and there are destructive leaders. No human group survives without leaders; they always emerge, good or bad.
The pain of observing others' posts being misinterpreted or criticized; the agonizing process of defending or explaining in return, and then further recriminations, explanations, and misunderstanding is really getting to be a virus with a lot of casualties. Could we please just cut it out?
Whatever the equivalent of biting the tongue might be for fingertips, could we do it? If we were having a vocal conversation, we wouldn't make EVERY obsevation that popped into our minds, would we? And we would apply the "take it with a grain of salt" theory while listening, wouldn't we?
It seems some of us need casts on our hands, and a block of salt for dinner so the group could again enjoy a lively exchange of varied facts and ideas without rancor.
Perhaps this problem is indiginous to newsgroups. One other I frequent is filled with helpful, intelligent, but intensely involved and caring people. And yet, sometimes the timing or manner in which a newcomer happens to present themselves seems to inadvertently trigger impatience or even aggravation in those who have otherwise shown themselves to be very helpful. And this seems to happen every two weeks or so in the other group.
Perhaps it's like learning a Rachmaninoff piece and when you've gotten as far as being able to polish the transitions between measures and perfectly control the pedals, someone asks you to demonstrate playing your scales instead. If they asked you that when you happen to be practicing your scales, or not even playing at all but wishing you were, you'd be thrilled to demonstrate your skills in scales, or pass on your passion for every aspect of music. But right while you're getting a staccato or trill perfected, it's a big pain in the drain.
Perhaps at that point you begin to wonder if they really understand the importance of scales to the performance of Rachmaninoff. Or even the difficulty and importance of scales in the first place. Or the price of lessons. Or how to select a mentor. Or the dedication required for daily practice sessions for years and years. Or the incredible importance of a good ear to catch the nuances of every measure of music.
The newcomer on the other hand is still standing before you, innocent smile, questioning eyes, notepad in hand with the 1st 6 questions a good detective always uses to research a new topic: who, what, where, when, why, how? They've filled in some of the answers from some members of teen rock groups they found practicing in garages on the way over, and non-descript, go-nowhere recording studios they asked along the way. They've stapled copies of ads for "How to become a virtuoso in 6 weeks or less..." to the notepad. Waiting for your answer, they absent-mindedly begin humming a few bars of elevator music, or perhaps some off-key scales....
P.S. The other newsgroup is not psychiatric in nature, nor for remedial creative writing skills. I'll be searching for those shortly.
AFK = Away From Keyboard
ADN = Any Day Now
BAK = Back At Keyboard
B4N = Bye For Now
BBL = Be Back Later
BBS = Bulletin Board System
BHOPW = Banging Head On Padded Walls
BIL = Brother In Law
BRB = Be Right Back
BTW = By The Way
CU = See You
CUL = See You Later
DH = Darn/Dear Husband
FAQ = Frequently Asked Question
FWIW = For What It's Worth
FYI = For Your Information
GAL = Get A Life
gd&r = Grinning, Ducking, and Running
GMTA = Great Minds Think Alike
IYKWIM = If You Know What I Mean
ILY = I Love You
IMHO = In My Humble Opinion
IMNSHO = In My Not So Humble Opinion
IRL = In Real Life
IOW = In Other Words
J/K = Just Kidding
L8R = Later
LOL = Laughing Out Loud
MIL = Mother In law
OIC = Oh I See
PITA = Pain In The "backside"
PU = That Stinks!
ROFL = Rolling On Floor Laughing
ROTF = Rolling On The Floor
ROFLMAO = Rolling On The Floor Laughing My "backside" Off
SAHD = Stay At Home Dad
SAHM = Stay At Home Mom
SIL = Sister In Law
SO = Significant Other
TAFN = That's All For Now
TGIF = Thank God It's Friday
TTFN = Ta-Ta For Now!
WAHM = Work At Home Mom
WAHD = Work At Home Dad
WB = Welcome Back
WFM = Works For Me
WTG = Way To Go
YO = Years Old
YK = You Know?
Emoticons
:) = smile
:D = smile/laughing/big grin
:* = kiss
;) = wink
:X = my lips are sealed
:/ = confused
:P = sticking out tongue
{} = a hug
:( = frown
:'( = crying
O:) = angel
}:> = devil
:O = amazed
:I = bored
:> = devilish grin
---<---@ = a rose
:-() = shout
;-) = say no more, nudge, nudge
=:-O = scares me too
:-! = foot In mouth
:-$ = put your money where your mouth is
:-X = my lips are sealed
:-C = really bummed out
|_|} = cup of coffee
\_/> = cup of coffee in a disposable cup